The Jonah Bible study was really good today. Priscilla talked about the fish named "Grace" which helped Jonah realize his sin and rebellion and helped him turn his life around before it was too late to redeem. She talked about the messes we make and how God is His kindness and love brings about consequences to not just discipline but save us from further disaster.

I couldn't help but weep this evening as I thought about all the ways I have messed up relationships. People I love so dearly and want to know Christ but somehow our friendship didn't end up being beneficial but rather a detriment to our being drawn closer to God.

I'm overcome with gratefulness that I can speak so frankly to my Heavenly Father about my deep concern for their souls, ask forgiveness for the ways I've failed to be what I should be, and ask for Him to love them with all of His heart and redeem their life in spite of me.
He knows my frame. He knows I'm dust. He knows my feelings and emotions can be all over the place and one minute I'm entirely confident in Him and the next I'm fearful.

I want to live like there's no tomorrow, love like I'm on borrowed time. I don't want to refuse to see where I could be the feet and hands of Jesus. Physically I may be really weak and good grief, all the different chemical imbalances from my autoimmune diseases make it even tougher to overcome my natural emotions, but I want to be a good and faithful servant.
Life is short and precious and I've been given the GRACE necessary to get out of the slough of despair and try again.